The rules of sign-stealing: unwritten no more

This is an Addendum to the MLB Rule Book regarding the stealing of signs and communication of pitch-tipping.

1. Use of technology is not allowed. It is not legal to use cameras to gather information about an upcoming pitch, and to relay that information to a hitter using any method – such as banging on a trash can. The punishment for such behavior will be very harsh: the organization will be fined, management may be suspended or fired, and players will be given a stern talking to and will receive boos by opposing fan in every at bat throughout the rest of their career.
   
   
2. If a 3rd or 1st base coach is able to steal a sign or identify a pitch-type, they are allowed to pass that information along to a hitter, but they must stay in the coaching box. While legal, this may result in that coach being subject to a broad range of profanities from the opposing dugout. Although, these profanities might trigger counter profanities from the dugout of the coach in question – and ultimately, a lip-reading segment on Jomboy.
   
   
3. A runner on second base is allowed to relay pitch type or location data to the hitter, this might result in a pick-off throw to 2nd base and an unnecessarily hard tag, and runners are advised to wear protective gear in the event that the hard tag is applied to their groin area.
   
   
4. Throwing at a hitter when sign stealing is suspected is no longer protected in the “old school” or “back in my day” unwritten addendums to the MLB rules. Players may be ejected or suspended for such actions, but will receive kudos from any former players acting as color commentators who are over 50 years old.
   
   
5. Pitchers who have their signs stolen or tip pitches resulting in runs allowed are allowed to complain about the sign stealing in post-game comments, but will be labeled as “soft” or “a whiny baby” and told that they need to “fix their shit”, meaning they should stop tipping pitches or allowing their signs to the stolen. It is recommended that they do not try to use this as an excuse for a poor performance.